somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
