nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
