Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
