Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
