even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
