In the future we'll all be gay
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
