You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
