My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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