I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
