I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
