my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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