my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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