I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
