I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
