I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
