ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
