rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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