im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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