I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
