You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
