the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
