I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
