First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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