Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
