I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
