while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
