Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
