i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
