We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My breasts were aching with rage.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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