At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
