Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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