His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
