i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
