I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
