shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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