the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
FUCK WHALES
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
