it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
