you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
