he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
