She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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