Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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