everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
