Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
