this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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