I didn't shave. On purpose
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
