I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
