The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
