If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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