Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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