after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
